Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
