There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
