It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize