all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
