I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Come see our sink grown plant.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's blow job season.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
