Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
