Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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