I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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