Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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