some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
