you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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