I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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