Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
