shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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