Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
