twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
