Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
