i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
