Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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