fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
