Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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