So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So vagazzling was a success
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