Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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