fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
