when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
