need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i now understand why vodka
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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