absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
