...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
