I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
