I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
