So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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