Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
