Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
