Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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