dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
