One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
