the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my shit smells like andre
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize