blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
