At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
