was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
