Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
