i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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