are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
