Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
