your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
