his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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