saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
