Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize