Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
