I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
