Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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