lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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