We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
