You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
