I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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