Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
