Your mouth is God's brothel.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
