Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
