i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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