do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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