tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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