escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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