I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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