And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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