when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
