he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
