She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize