actually, I'm a sock model
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was like having sex with a tree stump
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
