we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
