i just wanna soil my oats bro
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
