but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
