The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
