My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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