it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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