My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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