Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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