There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to make out with him forever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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