no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
