i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize