I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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