no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize