She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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