Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
