He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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