Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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