Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
